As I watch my kids and their cousins grow up, so many memories wash over. They go through so many things that I can relate to. So, why am I such a grown up? Why do I not empathize more? This is something I am working on. Let me explain.
When something happens with kids, for some reason, I tend to response in a harsher manner than I would to an adult. I am not sure if it because kids tend to complain more or if it is because I think they are more dramatic. I also forget what it was like to be them and want them to understand what I am telling them as if they too have lived it. But instead, maybe I should just take a minute to respect their feelings.
For example, my 18 month old often cries in the back seat because she is not a big fan of the car seat. When she cried, for a while, I would just assume that she was whining. Then, I started to pay better attention and I noticed one day that the sun was right in her eyes and another day she had dropped her sippy cup. As an adult, I do not like the sun being in my eyes, either. I put on sunglasses or put the visor down in the car, so why would I not expect my daughter to complain about it? I also want a drink when I am thirsty. While I cannot fully expect her to understand that I am driving and cannot get her cup, I can, at least, not get as frustrated that she is crying.
I am similar with my 8 year-old son. He plays really hard and sometimes when he gets hurt, my first response to tell him he shouldn't have been standing on a ball. While, yes, I do need to remind him of these things to keep him from getting hurt in the future and, yes, it is frustrating that I told him 50 times not stand on round objects, he is still hurting. Why can't I ask if he okay first and give him a little sympathy before going straight into correcting mom mode?
My last example is with my teenage nieces. They often tell me about teachers, friends and boys. When they do, I try to give them advice from my experiences. I am sure that helps them, eventually, but you know what else would help them? A listening ear and someone to tell them they understand. When a friend stabs them in the back, before telling them about how to deal with it, I am guessing they would prefer to hear that I am sorry and that it stinks to feel that way.
I am not saying that we should give up on the correction, advice or guidance, I am just saying that we should also remember the sympathy and empathy. As adults,we have bad days and bad moods. We need a minute when we get hurt and might even let out a scream. We hate to bring work home and have a tough time pulling it together when we are tired, sometimes. So do kids. Kids are humans, too; Imperfect humans, just like adults. I am going to try harder to remember that.
No comments:
Post a Comment