Maybe Being an Involved Dad is Just Normal

I saw this article about things dads do that you won’t see in pop-culture and it made me think.  Why do we act like it is so odd for a dad to be involved with the care of his children? Why do we act like the dads that help are superheroes? When will it just become the expectation, the norm even, that dads are part of their kids’ lives?  Now I know that there are some deadbeat dads out there. I also know that, due to divorce or other reasons, there are dads who do not live with their children on a regular basis and cannot provide certain types of assistance daily.  But I imagine that even for those dads, they take care of the kids when they can.   In the case of divorced dads, I am sure some portion of them do more work than they did when they were married because the mom is not around when the kids are at their house.

When I look around, I often see dads with their kids, many times without the mom.  I see dads dropping off and picking up from school and activities. I see dads volunteering in the classroom, on field trips and on the sport fields.  I see dads walking into the bathroom with their kids and helping them at restaurants and stores.   I see dads everywhere taking care of their kids.  I also see it on TV.  Whether I am watching the Disney Channel or Grey’s Anatomy, I see dads making sacrifices to spend time with their kids and helping out their wives.  I see it on magazine covers as well.  It seems that even famous men are proud to take on daddy-duty.  Closest to me, I see the husbands of my friends helping with most duties in the house.  And typically, I hear more complaints from my friends about their husbands not cleaning than I do about helping with kids.

When you think about it, we do not glorify moms who are involved, we expect it. When we hear about a mom that is uninvolved we are surprised.  Why are we not the same for dads? Why do expect them to be less? Why do we not think men may find it insulting that society is surprised when dads are involved? 

I just think that even when we think we are glorifying dads with articles like this, we are still suggesting that it is not normal for a dad to take care of their kids regularly.  Instead of acting like it is an oddity and putting it on display like a rare artifact, let’s just act like it is normal.  I still think our dads and husbands deserve praise, but I do not think it is because they are the only ones parenting. I think they deserve praise because parenting is hard. Being married can be hard.  Let’s face it, being an adult can be hard.  Let’s just praise them for doing a good job with the kids that we love and for being our partner or role-model in this world that can be tough.  I know that as a mom, I like praise and I think my husband is not different.  But I also realize that I am a mom and I am not unique in that I take care of my kids and love them.

When we see cases on the TV or in magazines or even from our friends about uninvolved dads, let’s hope that they are the minority.  Let’s pray for the moms that have no help. While we are at it, let’s pray for the dads that have no help.  But let’s also teach our sons and daughters that being an involved and helpful dad is not something only in books, it is normal.