Advent Giving Calendar

I saw an idea to do something little to pay-it-forward each day during the month of December leading up to Christmas. 

Although I will be doing this with my family and discussing the selflessness of Jesus and The Father for giving Him to us, anyone could carry out kind gestures for whatever reason works for you. 






You could easily change the ideas to fit your families size, budget and availability.  The below is a JPEG, but I am working on getting an editable printable. I will update it when I can figure out how.  For now, if you click the calendar, you can print the picture, just remember to change to landscape.

If you have ideas, please add them in the comments so that others can use them when creating thier calendar. Also, it would be fun to get your whole family involved by asking everyone to make suggestions.

Communication Series Part 2 - Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal Communication can enforce and compliment what you are saying but it can also contradict your words causing confusion in your conversations.  While some believe that it would be nice to live in a world where your words are all that matters, it is not the world we live in. In most situations, in fact, our non-verbal cues end up saying more than our actual words. 

According to Professor Mehrabian, only 7% of our communication is verbal.
Let that sink in.

Facial Expressions Reading facial expressions are something that we learn quite early in our lives. I can look at my young children with a specific look and they know that I am unhappy with their behavior.  If we use facial expression in place of words, why would we not expect that our facial expressions have an affect on our message even when we are talking?  Sometimes our facial expressions support what we are saying but sometimes they create mixed messages.  For example, when we smile while sharing good news, our face supports our message and will make sense to the listener. However, if we share bad news with a smile, it may confuse the listener. Although our intent may be to soften the blow of the news, the listener may think that we are happy about it instead.  If you are someone who knows that your face reads like a book, it should be something that you think about when communicating.  At the same time, if you are someone who has a poker face, you should also be aware that no expression also sends a message.  In either case it is something you should learn about yourself in order to become a better communicator.

Eye Contact  Simply put, making eye contact shows interest. When you look at someone while they talk to you, it suggests that you are listening and focused on the conversation.  Looking away, however, can send a few messages.  By looking away you can convey disinterest, awkwardness, embarrassment or dishonesty.  I am not recommending that you stare in a creepy way, but that you make eye contact throughout the conversation. In cases where you really can't make eye contact, let the listener know you are still listening. For example, if you are working on an important email when someone walk into your office doorway, you can let them know that you have to finish this email, but you are listening. You could also offer to talk to them at a time when you are more available to focus on their message.

Body Language and Posture - Body language and posture include stance, hand gestures, head position and so many other things that you may not think about.   You should, however, be aware of them or you may find yourself sending messages that you are unaware of.  For example, if you stand-up in the middle of a conversation, you may be conveying that you are trying to have the upper hand, when really, you just are headed out of the room.  By using large hand gestures,  you may be conveying that you are angry or passionate about a subject when you are just a person who talks with their hands. In fact, just a tilt of the head can send a message.  A tilt to the side can show confusion, softness or submission while tilting the chin up can show superiority, confidence or arrogance.  Many have noted that Hilary Clinton often has her head tilted up to show power while other connect the chin tilt to having your nose in the air.  There are also studies that say nodding while talking may encourage agreement.  Simple changes in your posture can also change conversation. Tilting slightly forward with your shoulders back may show attentiveness while allowing your shoulders to slump may show submission, weakness or exhaustion.  In most cases, it is worth taking a minute to observe your own body language during your communication.

Clothing - I know people hate the idea of judging a book by it's cover, but the truth is that people do look at your clothes and grooming and they send a message. This does not mean that you have to wear a suit everyday (unless it is clear that your comany expects that). It does, mean, however, that if you want to seem put together, you will want to look put together. Things like clean, unwrinkled clothes and brushed hair goes a long way.  In some cases, being too dressed up can have a negative affect, as well. Some people may see you as uptight or business-like in a environment that is more laid back.  While, I am all for people being themselves, it should also be known that there may be a price to pay for someone who strongly desires a job in a professional business setting but refuses to wear anything but jeans. There is usually a way to dress in a way that is approraite and sends the right message while still adding a bit of your own style.

Tone of Voice - I may have kept this one until last as a Freudian slip because I am HUGE on tone. I have been known to make my 8-year-old repeat himself multiple times until his tone reflects the respect that I think it should.  Women tend to focus on tone more than men but it does resonate for both genders. I am sure we have all heard someone say that, "It's not what you said, it is how you said it."  Our tone can send a message of excitement, empathy, question, sadness, anger and so many other feelings.  Studies have shown that when our words and tone contradict each other, others often believe the tone over the words.  Imagine that someone tells us that they are willing to help us move, but their tone is deflated and annoyed. Would you believe their words? Along with the sound of our voice, the stress we put on certain words changing the meaning of a message. Try the below to see what I mean.

It has been said that 10% of conflict is based on actual words while 90% of based on Tone of voice. While I am not sure if that phrase is based on fact, we do know that non-verbal communication is very important.  We send so many messages each day without using our words, I find it interesting that we learn to read and write in school and but not how to actually communicate. I guess we will just have to use the world as our teacher and learn from our mistakes. I hope that this post may help you to create at least one less communcation misunderstanding.

Soccer Cupcakes and How to Make Your Own Cupcake Picks

I did a quick run to Michael's the other day thinking I would be able to grab some soccer ball cupcake picks and be on my way.  Much to my chagrin, they do not have them in the store, leaving me stranded for the cupcakes that I needed to make for my son's end of season soccer party.  Now one would think I could just order online, but that one would also be more organized than I.

 

Thank goodness I had a creative friend with me who suggested that we look in the sticker aisle. We did, and what did we find? We found scrap booking stickers that were thick enough to put on a toothpick.  Boom, problem solved!



 

 

Because the stickers do not have a backing, I cut around them leaving the plastic backing on them. This added some time, but made it so that the icing didn't stick and allowed the boys on the team to use the stickers however they wanted.

 

After cutting the stickers out, I just stuck the pointed end of a toothpick into the foam part of the sticker. For the larger stickers, I used two toothpicks at an angle. 

Although they do not have a design on the back, from the front, they looked great after being stuck into the cupcakes. Using the stickers also added a variety of sizes and style.

 

Often, I cannot find picks that match what I am looking for without going online, but the scrap booking aisle is usually full of cute, very specific stickers.  I will definitely be doing this again in the future. 

*Note that because you have to use sharp toothpicks and the backing could be dangerous, you should take them out if you are going to give to small children.

My Thoughts on Veteran's Day and My Plea to You...

On Veteran's Day, I honor those who have served and those who serve today. I honor those who went overseas and those who didn't. I honor those who gave their lives and their limbs and those who never never saw a gun fight.  I honor those who were in for 5 years and those who were in for 25 years.

All members of the military signed a paper in which they became property of the US government and offered to put their lives on the line, if that is what was asked of them. While there are are a very few that may have done what they could to escape the clutches of war, most felt it was their duty to go and, if asked, willingly went. Some, due to duties at home, never were asked, but that does not make them less of a warrior.  Their offer to the people of our country was just the same, they never happened to be taken up on it.

As I think about those who did spend time in battle and came back with scars, I honor those with physical scars and those with mental scars.  Coming home with all of your physical body parts does not mean that you were not injured.  Many of our veterans have come home with invisible scars that will affect who they are forever.

In honoring our veterans, I also honor their families. The sacrifices they make are not of the same nature, but they are still great.  These families choose to support their military member in their commitment to the United States. They rarely live in a place for more than three years. They spend days, months or years without their loved one, often worrying everyday for their safety.  Some of them have no idea what their spouses are doing or where they are. Some spouses do not even know when their spouses are leaving or how long they will be gone. These families make their lives work with weird schedules, various locations and much hardship. They have the same problems we do; money, illness, stress and busy schedules, yet they still choose to carry the additional burden that comes with being a military family.

On Veteran's Day, I ask those of you who have not been in the military or part of a military family to really think about what that life is like. I ask to think about your 18 or 20 year-old self and imagine signing a document that requires you to willingly uproot your life and, if asked, give that life for your country.  I ask to imagine leaving your family to be, potentially, stationed across the world or the country in a place that you do not get to choose. I ask to imagine finding the perfect spouse and hoping that they will be willing to take on your commitment.  I ask you to imagine leaving your kids for the third time because you realize that it is necessary for the greater good of our people, hoping that you will be blessed enough to return home. I ask you to imagine being the mom or dad of a young soldier and watching them leave for boot camp or deployment.  I ask you to imagine being the spouse who misses them but still has to keep life together at home. I ask you to imagine being the military member that tries to hold it together as you say goodbye to your crying family. Now, I ask you to imagine watching your best buddies die in a gun fight then having to take another person's life to keep your own and what it would be like to live with that as you come home to the life you left.  I also ask you to imagine seeing friend after friend being deployed, never having it asked of you while you wonder why you were never chosen to fight for your country because you trained for it and you want to do your part.

I could go on, but I think you can see the point that I am trying to make. Today, please do not just shop your sales and enjoy the nice day. Today, my plea to you is to ask that  you reflect on the freedoms you have and really think about the sacrifices that were made for you. And if you see a Veteran, please, thank them and if it is your way, offer a prayer for them.   

Ten Everyday Tasks that Become Totally Different with Small Kids

1. Stopping at a red light
Without kids - You stop at the light. Perhaps you check your reflection in the mirror, change the radio station or take a quick look at your phone. Mostly, however, you just wait for the light to turn green.
 
With kids - This tends to go two ways; a red light can be blessing or a curse.  Sometimes a red light is the blessing that allows you to turn around and grab a juice cup or change the DVD on a long trip. If you are really lucky and your kids are happily sitting in the car,  you may get to actually apply some mascara or lipstick that you had no time to apply in the house.  Other times, the red light is the curse that makes your baby cry because the car stopped, so you spend the entire light inching forward ever so slowly to trick your dear child into thinking you are still moving.

 
2. Going to sleep
Without kids - You decide you are tired. You brush your teeth and wash your face then you get in bed and go to sleep.

With kids - You drag your self exhausted to your room. After putting on pajamas, you brush your teeth and wash your face.  

Then, before getting into bed, you check on your kids. You push one back into the middle of the bed because he is about to fall off and you turn off the ridiculously bright light he insists on falling asleep with hoping that he does not wake up in the middle of the night realizing it is dark. Meanwhile you are grateful that because he is fully potty trained, you do not have to walk his limp body into the bathroom to try to get him to go potty ,anymore. Then you go check the other child. This one is a light sleeper so you are quiet as can be but you need to make sure her blanket is on because, although she kicks it off as she falls asleep, she also wakes up in the middle of the night when she is cold.  After all kids are checked on and seem ready to sleep through the night, you have one more thing to do...go to the bathroom.  You used to go before checking on the kids, but since the second one was born, you have to go the second before going to bed or you will have to go again, anyway.

 

 
3. Eating dinner
Without kids - You sit at the table, put food on your plate and eat dinner. Perhaps you get up to grab a drink.
 
With kids - After getting drinks for the family, you sit down and put food on everyone's plate, cutting up meat into age appropriate sizes and pass said plates out. After arguing with one child about eating vegetables, the other child has already eaten all of the starchy item and you start your speech about how they also have to eat the protein and veggie before they can have more potatoes.  At this point you are finally ready to put your first bite of now luke-warm food in your mouth and someone spills a drink.  You help them to clean up the drink that you are glad was only water and finally get to finish your own plate, wondering why you are not thinner considering how often your meals are disrupted. On a happy note, since the toddler is sleepy after dinner, it is cute how she wants to come put her head on your lap after you eat.

 
4. Paying for groceries
Without kids - You get out cash or a card and pay for your items. Afterwards, you thank the cashier and head out of the store.
 

Grammar friends, try to ignore that it should
be, "quickly."

With kids - After you have put all of the items on the belt with the "help" of your little friends, you dig in your wallet to pull out your debit card.  You panic for a minute that it is not there only to remember that when you ran to the drug store this morning, you wanted to get out of the store ASAP, so you shoved it in your bra. After sheepishly pulling it out, you look at the total. You wonder how, each week, your family consumes so much food and then you swipe the card. Meanwhile, you have to block the credit card machine from your toddler who insists that "I do it"  because you know she will, inevitably, cancel your transaction altogether.  As you get ready to finish up, you explain to the older child, one last time, that although you appreciated his help with his sister while you shopped, he does not need candy every time you come to the store.  Besides, he has a whole bag of Halloween candy at home. So glad to finally be done with the whole experience, you thank the cashier and shove your debit card back your bra as you head out to the car.
 

5. Talking on the phone
Without kids -  You answer the phone, maybe you pause the TV, you talk and you hang up.
 
With kids - You look at the phone trying to decide if it is worth the call, meanwhile looking at the time. You realize that since it is your sister, who you talk to often, it may not be too long of a call. 

Dinner is over and you have 30 minutes before bedtime rituals start so you decide to answer the phone.  Within 2 minutes of answering the call, your daughter, who has not wanted your attention for an hour, suddenly is desperate for you to help her put a piece in her puzzle. After you get the puzzle piece in, you try to focus back on your conversation. After another two minutes, your son decides it is a great time to have a dance party with his sister. You think this is adorable and great because they are entertaining each other and having fun. That is, until they turn the music up so loud that you cannot hear a thing. After reminding them of appropriate volume, you apologize to your sister and return to the conversation. Just when you get to point of her call, one of her kids falls and this small bump that would not normally need attention needs her every bit of attention, right now! At this point, you and your sister decide that you will just talk after the kids go to sleep and remember why you typical ignore the phone anyway.

 

6. Going to the bathroom
Without kids - I think a typical trip to the bathroom is self explanatory.
 
With kids - So, this is pretty similar to the phone conversation, in that your kids, who have been ignoring you all of a sudden need your attention but you are in the bathroom.
 
In addition, water is very attractive to kids, so you just might get some company of a little friend who needs to wash their hands, aka play in the water. Oh, and don't even think of locking the door, it is not worth the misery you may face when you get out. Who knows what damage could be caused in the short time you are behind that closed door.
 
 
 
7. Folding laundry
Without kids - You pull clothes out of the dryer and fold them. Maybe you put them in piles by drawer and then you put them away.
 
With kids - As soon as someone offers to, "help" you immediately feel torn between wanting to teach responsibility and realizing that their assistance will take twice as long.  You vowed to be a better mom this week so you let them help. As they fold the clothes into little balls that you will have to re-fold, you try to praise them while helping them to improve. Nothing changes, so you just start smoothing out the clothes when they are not looking. Once you have the clothes folded in piles by family member the little one comes in so excited to see you that she knocks over two of the piles. You are kind of mad but kind of relieved that you now have an excuse to fold the clothes the right way, anyway.  

 
8. Running back in the house
Without kids - You realize that you forgot your work I.D. on your dresser, so you turn the car off and run back in the house to grab it.
 
With kids - You realize that you forgot your work I.D. on your dresser, so you turn the car off and look in the review mirror.  It took you an extra 5 minutes to get to the car because the toddler has become very independent and needed to walk down the stairs and get in the car ALL BY HERSELF! You cannot imagine going through this process again, but you hate to leave her in the car alone while you go all the way in the house and run upstairs to get your I.D. so you call your husband on your cell phone.  You are thankful he is still home but he meets you at the door not happy because he just got out of the shower and is in a towel. You make an offer that you probably won't keep about later tonight and run back to the car.  
 

9. Buying food at a counter
Without kids - You walk into Chipotle and look over the menu. You decide to order your usual burrito. You salivate as they make it, pay and find a table to sit at.
 
With kids - You walk into Chipotle and look over the menu. You do not come often so you want to make the right choice. After choosing your food, you try to see what they have that will satisfy the kids who have now told you twice that they really wanted Subway. You get to the end of the counter and pay while looking at the tray of food as you hold the toddler. You quickly try to figure out how you will carry a tray of food and drinks while holding a toddler. You know you will spill something so you put her down, praying she doesn't run. She actually holds her big brother's hand so you breathe a sigh of relief as you all get to to the table in an uneventful fashion. 
Okay, so maybe it is not all that calm, but a girl can pretend, right?
 

10.  Hearing I love you and thank you
Without kids - Hearing I love you feels so good when it comes from someone who you love, no matter who they are. It feels great to feel loved and hearing it can be good for your soul. The same goes for appreciation.  It feels good when your work gets noticed.
 
With kids -  So, I am not taking away the love from a parent, spouse or friend. That love is awesome, but when your kids tell you they love you and they really mean it, it just melts your heart. It is one of the warmest feelings...EVER. Perhaps the second best phrase you can hear from your kids is, "thank you."  On a daily basis, you do so many thankless tasks that when your kids get old enough to appreciate you and show appreciation without being told, it is amazing.  You know, in that moment, that the things you say and do are really sinking in. Kids can be tough, but there are just some amazing moments that make all the tough stuff melt away for a short while.


*Note, before I get a bunch of nasty comments (well, if I get any views and comments) please know that this is meant to be funny, relate-able and a little tongue-in cheek. No, my kids do not constantly act like hellions and no, I do not hate them. Also, I know life without kids can be tough and awesome. Please just take this with a of grain of salt.
 
 

Communication Series Part 1 - Listening

Yesterday I started a Communication series and I am excited to get into it.  Because it is my blog and I can start wherever I want, I am going to start with my favorite topic...Listening!

 

Listening, in my opinion, is possibly the most important part of communicating. If you are not actively listening, you cannot learn anything from the conversation and there is no point in the other party even opening their mouths.  A successful conversation depends on both parties be willing to listen and take in what the other person is saying.

 

With that in mind, here are some ways to help make your conversations more successful.

 

 

Wait to form your reply until the other person is done talking.

It is a fairly typical human behaviour to allow your brain to start thinking about what the other person is saying as they talk and to even take it to the next step and start to create a response in your head while they are still talking.  While this is natural, it is not helpful. If you are thinking and mentally replying, you are not giving the other person your full attention.  While it is true that most people can listen at a faster rate than the human's talk, using that extra brain power to do anything other than listen will take away from the conversation. Further, when we create a response, we want to verbally share that which  results in talking over the other person or even cutting them off.  Women tend to tolerate this behavior better than men when with other females as they consider it talking with each other, but eventually it will irritate women, also. Believe it or not, it is better to allow a few seconds to lapse before speaking than it is to cut someone off. So, take your time. Listen with your full attention, then respond.

  

Don't assume you know what they are going to say

For so many reasons, we assume we know what another person is going to say.  We make assumptions based on our own past experiences with a person, the way they look, their profession, the setting, their age and various other predetermined reasons. Unfortunately, when we do this, we may miss out on important information, feelings or knowledge. When we listen with an open mind and fully take in what the other person is saying, we open up a whole new world of possibilities in our conversations. Try it. You might be surprised 

 

Clarify

A large part of listening is understating. Unfortunately, sometimes we think we understand, but we are not on the same page as the speaker. The best way to ensure that this does not happen is to clarify. If someone tells you something, repeat it back. Even if it is just your spouse asking to you to grab milk at the store, as you walk out, say, "so you just want me to grab a gallon of skin milk?"  That 10 second question may save an additional trip to the store or an argument when you return. And no, I am not saying that you need to repeat everything someone says, but when there is potential for lack of understanding or when it is really important, repeating back will solve alot of future heartache. It may also help the speaker to become a more clear communicator.

 

Take Action

When you listen, act like it.  Sitting up and making eye contact can help you to focus. If you are on the phone, look away from other distractions to make virtual eye contact. By preparing your body to listen, it helps your mind to focus.

 

Put down your phone

And any other distractions that might take away from the conversation.

I have always loved this quote
and think it can apply to so much more
than just children.  Your spouse or your
boss may also stop sharing if you
do not focus on what they have
to share.  

When someone walks into your office or sits down with you at the table to talk, put down your phone, stop typing that email and focus on the conversation.  You may think that you can play candy crush and listen, but you cannot do it effectively.  You can certainly hear the noises they are making, but you will not be able to totally take in what they are saying.  When you listen to someone show them that what they are saying is important by acting like it.  If you cannot stop what you are doing, be clear about it. Let them know that you want to hear what they have to say and that you need a minute to finish your task. Invite them to sit for a minute or let them know that you will happy to listen in just a few  minutes. Make sure they know that you are not putting them off but more, you are trying to provide them with the focus that they deserve.








I challenge you to try these things for one whole week and see if your communications improve.  You may suprised how you can improve a conversatation by just becoming a better listener.

 

Communication Series

When I studied communication in college, I found it completely fascinating. I loved learning about each little detail. As I get older, I love seeing those details come to life in my real adult world where communication is not just fascinating, but also necessary. Wait, let me correct myself, where EFFECTIVE communication is necessary.

I love this quote. I am going to take a minute to let you read it and really let it sink in.

Did you read it? Read it again. Now think about it for at least 30 seconds. Now that you have thought about it, are you reminded how important communication is?

I feel so strongly about this that I want to write a series about communication. I want to write about listening (a favorite topic of mine), understanding, writing, talking, non-verbal communication and who knows what else. I just want to help anyone who wants to read my thoughts and listen to anyone who wants to share their own.

I am going to start with listening and hope to have my thoughts posted by tomorrow. I touched on this topic on my post about Being the Right Person in your Relationships, but I am excited to really delve into it.

Over the next month, please check back in to see what I have added to this series.