I need to learn to say NO

So, lately, I feel like this.

This has been happening often.

I really need to remember this.

 

 

 

I have no words of wisdom today, but wanted to remind you that if you feel like this also, you are not alone. Maybe I will have some experiential wisdom next week...when I am not so tired! :)

I Challenge You to Try This. (Here is what happened when I did.)

Over the last week, I have had two cars break, my A/C unit in my home broke and I came home from a weekend away to find ants. But you know what? I am blessed!

A friend of mine posted this last week and I decided to really try it.  I do not consider myself a huge complainer, well unless you include nagging my husband, oops!  I do, however, like to be in control (people may have thrown around the word control-freak). This need to be in control can stress me out when things go wrong so I find myself complaining.  I have been trying to work on it which made this a great challenge.  I decided that I thought it meant finding the good in things as to not complain about them. Wow! What a difference it has made. I was certainly challenged with some frustrations this last week, but I truly believe that trying to look at things in a good way made me so much less stressed. 

Let me explain the blessing in each of my frustrations so you can see what I am talking about.

After dropping  Ella off at my parent’s house last week, I went to brake and my car kept going. The brakes were working, but I my wheels kept going. This sounds awful, but here is the blessing… I was going slowly and was able to stop the car by putting it in park and turning off the engine rather quickly and there were not any cars in front of me. As if that was not enough of a blessing, I was able to start the car and get it back to my parent’s neighbor who is a mechanic that is very giving and generous with his time. He said he was willing to look at the car so I would not have to drive it anywhere else.  Turns out it was not anything major wrong with it!

The second challenge/blessing is that my parents are not using their second vehicle as they are out of town so I was able to it.  As I got in the car, it would not start. The blessing was that John, the amazing mechanic-neighbor was outside and looked at it. He said that it needs a new battery and helped me jump it.  I was able to take it to auto zone where they replaced the battery for me. As an extra bonus, the lady at the store gave me a coupon for 15%! (Oh, side note, my niece was at my parent’s and was watching Ella. I did not drop my infant off to a vacant home! J)

The third challenge/blessing was that after coming home from a weekend away, I noticed ants in my house. I know they are not damaging, but they gross me out. If you have ever had an infestation, you may be able to understand this.  Well, it turns out that that we got home in time to catch them before a full infestation happened. After killing what I could find inside and spraying outside the window sill where they were coming in, I was able to minimize the problem without calling pest control.

My last challenge/blessing happened when I noticed a wet spot on my ceiling.  After a little exploration, I realized it was coming from the A/C unit.  Yet, again, I tried not to worry and just had faith without complaining.  My blessing was that my sister’s neighbor who does HVAC work happened to be off from work and was able to come over quickly. Bonus was that the repair was minor and fairly inexpensive! Woohoo!

Through all of these inconveniences, no one was hurt, nothing killed my bank account and I was blessed with people in my life who helped me out quite expeditiously.   

I am so glad that this “not complaining” test helped me gain such great perspective. I now challenge you to try it. You may be surprised.

*I feel like I should add the caveat that I did mention my mishaps to people such as to explain to my coworkers why I was late to work or to ask advice.  I do not,  personally,  think that mentioning a challenge counts as a complaint unless you actually complain about it or wallow in it. In my case,  my series of unfortunate events became laughable at work,  almost like a sit-com. 

My New Beverage Container and Sweet Delicious, Iced Coffee

So over the weekend, I bought an adorable beverage container that looks like a big mason jar but is plastic and has a convenient spout.   I would love to tell you that I just wandered upon it at a cute boutique and had to have it, but the truth is, I did not.  The truth is, I was on a hunt. You see, this jar, as adorable as it is, was a means to end.  The truth is, I needed cold brewed, iced coffee and I needed something to put it in.  

 I few summers ago I was introduced to the mild caffeinated deliciousness that is cold brewed iced coffee. Unlike brewing hot coffee and putting it over ice, this does not get watered down and it is so smooth. My fantastic summer beverage was improved a while back when I read a post from Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman.   She made the awful, wonderful suggestion of adding condensed milk. (Note: I did not say it was low-cal or low-fat, just wonderful)  This was a life changing moment for me. I mean before I had spent hours over the conundrum that is sweetening iced coffee. Well, maybe minutes, but whatever!   I do not like artificial sweeteners in my coffee and regular sugar has a tough time dissolving in cold coffee.  So what was a girl to do? I had tried dissolving sugar in hot water and adding it, but that was a pain. So this solution, this simple but mind-blowing solution, was just what I needed.  Ree also adds a little half and half but you could add whatever milk you use, or leave it out altogether.

 

So, here is how I make this creamy, scrumptious concoction.

(I love DD Coffee, but you can use any brand.)

 

 

In a large container, mix ground 1 lb of ground coffee with 8 quarts of cold water.  It will help if this container has a spout that you can pour from.  Cover it and let it sit at room temperature overnight.  

(By the way, I mean a spout at the top, I did not strain throught the spigot at the bottom as I was worried about getting grounds in it. I would usually use a pitcher, but wanted to use my new containers.)

In  the morning, line a mesh strainer with cheesecloth (I hear paper towels will work, but I have not tried it) and set over a pitcher or other container. Pour the coffee/water mixture through the strainer, allowing all liquid to run through.  At this point, you can toss the grounds or use them in your garden.  

Now comes the hard part. You have to wait, again! Put the coffee in the fridge and let it cool.  This much lasts me a couple weeks in the fridge in a pitcher with a lid.

When you are ready, pour some over a glass of ice and add 2-3 tablespoons of condensed milk. You can add more, or less, or whatever, but add some. It is worth it.  If you want you could also some milk.  And I guess, if you really want, I will not hold it against you if you do not add the condensed milk and replace it will whatever you prefer to sweeten your cold beverages.  Creamer actually works quite well. I suppose you could also leave it black. I could not, but you certainly could and still enjoy the mild iced coffee.  Now make yourself some so that tomorrow you can sit on the porch and enjoy!

Being the Right Person in Your Relationships

 

I saw this yesterday on a friend’s facebook page and it made me pause and really think about the reality of what it says.  This simple sentence is HUGE when it comes to relationships.  You could be WITH the right person, but if you are not BEING the right person, how can it work?  

Before I start, let me make myself clear that I am not, by any means, suggesting that people should change themselves for another person.  I am simply suggesting that you be the best you that you can be. I also want to be clear that sometimes two people just are not meant to be. No matter how great or ready you are, that other person may simply not be the one for you.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I have a few pieces of wisdom that I have been blessed enough to receive that I would like to share to I think fit this topic quite well. I hope you find that something in here helps you, too.
These are not only for spouses and significant others, they can go for any relationships in your life.
 

Relationships are Not 50/50

I know that this sounds odd, but once you come to terms with it, things get easier.  Sometimes you are the one that has to give 60% or maybe even all 100%.   Sometimes your loved one is at a place where they cannot give their fair share. Maybe they are sick or injured, maybe they are under a lot of stress, it doesn’t matter.  For whatever the reason, when you are called upon to give more than your 50%, be willing to do it.  

Be Clear About Your Needs

This goes with the above; sometimes your partner will need to be the one to give more.  When this is the case, be clear.  Many times we expect our other half to be a mind reader, but they are not.  If you need a break, you need help or maybe you need more attention, be clear about. It is not fair to be mad at someone for not giving you something you never asked for.  Also, remember, you may have to repeat yourself.  I know it sounds unfair, but some things need to be said, and heard more than once.  It is not selfish to ask for what you want.  

Love Yourself

You can ask your partner to meet your needs in some ways but there are just some things that they cannot do for you. They can love you, they can support you, they can help with daily chores to lessen your load, they can give advice and they can be part of a great conversation.  They can be so many things with and for you. They can even be the type of person that makes you feel good about whom you are, but they cannot make you love you. You have to do that. And, when you do, it is much easier to accept the love they give you.

Listen

I took a class in college on listening.  When I signed up it sounded so intriguing that a professor could fill a whole semester on this one topic, but as I got into it, I learned why. There is so much that goes into really listening and there is a lot of information about how different people listen.  However, I think the most important thing is to remember that hearing and listening are not the same things.  You can hear the words someone is saying without actually listening to and understanding the message, but what is the point? To listen we need to be focused and engaged. I know that we all live in a crazy a world of multitasking and sometimes we are doing something when we are hearing someone talk. That may be alright sometimes, but not when the message is important.  When the message is important, we need to focus. This often means doing things like making eye contact and asking questions. It also means quieting your mind. Many times when someone is talking we are so busy mentally responding that we are not hearing what they say. When you listen, really just listen.  Believe it or not, it is fine to take a few seconds before responding.  

Be Supportive

I recently took a class on Army Resiliency and in one of the topics they talked about not being a “joy thief.”  As I listened to the instructor, I realized, I can be a joy thief!  I think of myself as a responsible realist; I am a practical person who has a good a head on my shoulders.  However, as the lesson was going on, I realized that sometimes that can come off as unsupportive.  Even when our friend, family or co-worker, has an unrealistic idea or plan, it can be quite helpful to find some way to support the person even if we do not support their idea or suggestion.  We can listen, we can tell them what we think is good about it. And instead of just shooting them down, we can ask questions in a way that may help them come to their own, more realistic, conclusion about things.  Also, we can look at things from their point of view.  Just because something may not seem like a good idea to us, does not mean it is not a good idea. If you trust someone, sometimes you have to have enough faith to support them even if it pushes you out of your safety zone.  

Being supportive also means supporting someone’s feelings.  I get upset about things that do not bother my husband and vice versa.  Over the years we have learned to support the other person’s feelings even if we cannot completely relate. This has been a Godsend for our relationship.  

Do Not Try To Change Them

My mom has often said to my sisters and I, “be happy with the man you marry, he is the man you will be married to for the rest of your life.”  People do not change easily. People’s habits change, sometimes people’s beliefs change, but it takes something huge, often life-altering, for a person to change deep down.  Before you go trying to change someone remind yourself what drew you to them in the first place.

Do Not Try To Change Yourself

As I said above, for the most part, people are who they are. That includes you.  You are a special individual that God created.  He loves you for you and so should the important people in your life.  You cannot happily live a lie, nor should you have to.  You are not perfect and that is okay.  There is a difference in wanting to be the best you that you can be and wanting to be someone else.  At the same time, there is a difference in people around you want to help you to be your best and wanting to change who you are.   If your loved ones want you to be someone else, maybe they do not love you they way thry should, maybe they love the concept of you.

Look in the Mirror and Reflect

Every once in a while, we need to take a good look at ourselves and be honest about our behaviors.  Are we happy with what we see?  We expect others to do right by us, but are we really doing right by them? Are we being the best we can be within reason?  We have to cut ourselves some slack, but we also have to be honest.  Relationships take two people. Are we holding up our end of the bargain?  

Be Grateful

Remember to be grateful for the relationships that you have.  God has given us people to love, not to take for granted.  You are blessed and don’t forget it.   Also remember to be grateful for people’s actions.  I know that we all do things every day that no one thanks us for, but wouldn’t it be nice if they did?  Use the golden rule here and be grateful for the small tasks that others do just like you would like them to be grateful for your small tasks.  

Be Open

Remember to be open to new things and ideas.  You may find that you bond with the people in your life if you share some new activities, habits, thoughts, etc.  Also, remember to be open to people in general. You may find your new best friend where you least expect them.

10 Free or Cheap Things to do With Your Kids This Summer

We can all only hear, “I’m bored” so many times without going a little insane. And while, yes, wine can help with that, so can a list of things to do. I have rounded-up a few that I hope will help you to curb the summer boredom at your house.

1.  Nature Scavenger Hunt. Make a list of things in nature and have a scavenger hunt. You can be specific or vague.  For example, you can write bug or you can write earthworm.  You can write leaf or you can write oak leaf.  You can also do something more with senses. Look for something fuzzy, or hard, or listen for specific sounds. Another variation is to get paint chips from the store and see if you can find something to match it. 

This is a great combo scavenger hunt printout with specific items and senses. http://howtonestforless.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/summer-camp-scavenger-hunt.jpg

This link has a great group of scavenger hunt lists but you can always make your own! http://handsonaswegrow.com/32-ways-kids-can-go-on-scavenger-hunts/

2.  Sidewalk Chalk
Grab some sidewalk chalk and let your child have fun. They can just draw pictures our you can create something interactive. You could draw a bull’s-eye and try to see who can throw a beanbag closest.  You could also draw hopscotch or some other game.  Have fun with it. The good thing is that you can take a picture and let it all wash away for an empty canvas another day.  If you are anything like me, keeping all of the traditional art projects becomes a space issue, but sometimes you feel bad throwing them away. This solves that problem.

 3.  Local Library
I know it sounds simple and maybe a bit dorky, but library programs have come a long way from story time. Our local library has a bubble lady who, apparently, can create huge bubbles with dry ice. It also has a Lego day.  It is worth the internet search to see what your library has to offer.  

When you are at the library, they may even find some great summer reading.  We read chapter books together over the summer. Jacob thinks that it is a treat because we do not always have time to read longer books together during the school year.

4. Regal Movies
Do you have a local Regal movie theatre? This may be worth checking out!  The movies are on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and the weeks correspond with varying dates by location. Check out what is available in your zip code.

http://www.regmovies.com/Movies/Summer-Movie-Express

Admission to these movies during the Summer Movie Express is only $1. Tickets must be purchased at the theater and all movies start at 10:00 am. A portion of the proceeds goes to the Will Rogers Institute. Search for a theater in your area to see where the Summer Movie Express is playing.

5. Water Blob

So maybe this has been around for a long time, but I was just recently introduced to the water blob and it is such a cute idea.  The writer of Homemade Toast, Leisha, seems to have a leak proof version that is worth checking out. Here is a link to and a picture from her blog.

http://www.homemadetoast.com/2013/07/how-to-make-leak-proof-water-blob.html

6. Make Jewelry (Beads or Edible)
If you want something for an older child and something you can keep, go to the craft store and get some string and beads. You can make all sorts of things.  If you have younger kids and just want something fun, you can make necklaces or bracelets out of cereal and a pipe cleaner. You could try cheerios or fruit loops. When you are done, you have a fun treat!

7.  All About…book (Family, Neighborhood, etc)

We recently started to use the Magic Tree House Journal.  It has places to write all bout your yard and neighborhood. It has scavenger junts as well as placed to write lists and draw pictures. We really like it, but you could just as easy make your own.  You can grab a few pieces of paper and fold them in half to make a book. From there your child could make a picture about your house, your family, anything. Depending on the age of the child, they can write a story, draw picture, cut and paste pictures or use stickers. They can be as creative as they want.

http://www.amazon.com/Magic-House-Journal-Stepping-Stone/dp/0385375050/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404316873&sr=1-1&keywords=magic+tree+house+journal

8. Bake or cook
Your child can help you to bake or cook or do it on their own, depending on age.  If they are young, they can help you prepare dinner or maybe even do some food-prep for several meals.  I often find hat a bonus of this is that kids are more willing to eat what they made.

If you have older children, you could make a competition like The Food Network’s Iron Chef or even get creative enough to make a bag for a Chopped-like game.  

 9. Pull out toys you have not played with in a while
I often find that my son plays with the same toys over and over and then gets bored when he gets in a rutt.  However, by just reminding him of some toys that he has not played with in a while, it can be like opening a new present.  He will often have a great time with something that was forgotten.  This can also help to clean things out. If they have not played with a toy in a while and do not want to after offering several times, I know it is time to donate that toy.

 10. Play board games and tic-tac-toe (outdoor with sticks and rocks.)
Sometimes board games can be a great time.  Jacob recently fell in love with Connect-4 but you can adjust to your child’s likes.  I have also found that sometimes I can tweak a game to be something we like. For example, we were outside without a pen and paper, but wanted something to do. I took a few large sticks and we made a tick-tac-toe board.  We used smaller sticks for Xs and rocks for Os.

Just a note of advice.  If you have an activity that you know your child will like, but they say no, make them try it for a few minutes.  Tell them to play it for 5 minues and that they can stop if they want to after that.  Do not set a timer, just have them start. Often they will get into what they are doing and forget that they did not want to do that activity. If you set a timer, it can remind them to be stubborn and say that they are not having fun.

Also, you are absolutely NOT the worst mom ever if you let your child watch TV over the summer.  I agree that it is not healthy for any child to watch TV all day, every day, but by sending them to watch TV or a movie after the 25^th time of hearing, “I’m bored, what can I do?” no one will fault you for it.

And hey, if all else fails, make them clean.  I find my son will find something to keep himself busy if his other option is cleaning.  

*Here are a few more ideas in the post about my Bored Jar.

Our Lives are Our Children's Memories.

When I saw this quote, it really resonated with me. Sometimes I am so busy doing the necessary "chores" of life that I forget that this is the memory my child will have. It is the memory that they will have of me, of our home, of thier childhood. I have to remind myslef that while creating good, responsible children is important, so is having the memories of love, and fun. I try... to make a goal each day to balance the things we need to do with the things we enjoy doing. It is a challenge some days, but I am working on it. As I wrote in my blog yesterday, this is one of the reasons that I love summer so much. It allows for a slower life where we can enjoy each other more. If this is a challenge for you, I hope that this quote encourages you to find the balance the way that is has for me.


Happy Tuesday! Thank you God for our families. Thank you God for each other. Thank You God for the balance that summer offers and thank you God for this short work-week!