Are We Forgiving Ourselves Too Often?

I love to read mommy blogs and articles about parenting. I especially love to read those that I can relate to and include the real struggles of being a mom.  Many of these encourage us to forgive ourselves for not being perfect and I love this sentiment, but recently I have wondered, are we taking it too far? 

 

As parents, we are not perfect. We get behind on laundry, leave dirty dishes, feed our kids junk food, yell, lose our patience, forget about school projects, lose uniform parts, lock ourselves in the bathroom, let our kids stay up too late, allow too much screen time...the list goes on and on. If you cannot relate to that list in any way, you probably have very small children or amazing super powers. If the latter is the case, please contact me as to how I also can acquire such powers. I am not against spider bites or even a little malformation for such powers! 

 

Anyway, my point is that we are not perfect, and that is okay. No one is perfect. I also realize that as a band of mothers, we are in this together and by exposing our imperfections we can help lift up other mothers when they need it, however, as I said above, how much is too much? 

 

When I look at my childhood, my parents' house and those of my friends were pretty neat. I did not open closet doors or anything, but I did see my friend's bedrooms and occasionally their sibling's or parent's rooms as well as all the main rooms in the house and they were orderly for the most part. My friends typically had a dinner time with a full dinner on the table. Some may have been more complicated or healthier than others, but the dinner was there.  My friends and I all had parents with expectations of completed homework, manners and respectful language and there were consequences when these things did not happen.  Yes, my mom stayed home for a while, but eventually went back to work and many of my friend's moms worked. And, yes, we were busy. We has sports, dance and gymnastics. 

 

These days, I constantly wish that my house was neater, but allow myself to sit on the couch after a long day after telling myself how hard I work. I love having family dinner and do my best to make it happen, but make excuses when it doesn't.  I admire the parents that calmly explain rules and disappointment to their kids, but often find myself at the end of my rope snapping at my kids. I could go on, but you get the point.  I am not the mom you would find in a magazine or on a 50s sitcom.  In some ways I would not want to be, but in some ways I admire that and work towards it.   I wish that I could say that I am alone, but based on many a conversation with other moms, I am far from it.  

 

So what do I do? I turn to the internet.  I feel better because a friend on Facebook, a blogger that I follow or a stranger on Scary Mommy has posted about their imperfections.  I am not only reminded that I am doing alright, but I even feel justified in my mess. It's okay that I am failing, right? These other moms are, too! 

 

However, when I really look in the mirror, is it okay? Should I not be trying a little bit harder towards the things that might better me as a mom rather than making excuses? Has the world of imperfection gone too far? 

 

I'll be honest, I am not sure how I feel about this. I love finding security in my imperfections through my band of mothers. I love the humor in the articles and the strength in their honesty.   However, I wonder if this security is allowing me to accept my imperfections to a point where I do not worry about correcting them.  Maybe I need to embrace them in a different way? While pondering this, I came across this. I think I will give it more thought.

While I do more thinking, I would be quite interested to see how you all feel about this. Please let me know in the comments.

Tips for a Great Summer Cook-Out (or Barbeque, if you prefer)

A summer party should be something that everyone can savor, even the hosts. Here are a few tips to simplify your fun so that you can spend time with your guests, not serving them, and encourage everyone to relax and enjoy.  

Choose foods that can be prepared in advanced. 
This is a fairly obvious tip. If you are able to just put out your fares with little effort, you will not have to focus so much on them. Also remember that people are there to see you, not go to a gourmet restaurant. Do not create such an elaborate menu that you stress for weeks ahead of time. This does not mean that you have to pick boring foods. Here are a few suggestions that can be done in advanced, but that may add a little originality to your event.

              
Kabobs – This is something that you can make as elaborate or as simple as you want. You can use chicken for the kids or make this version with steak and shrimp for a fancier version.  Be creative!

              

Fixings – You can serve simple grilled chicken, hamburgers and hot dogs but add fun toppings like chili, sauces, unique cheeses, avocado and a variety of veggies.  Think things like gorgonzola and brie, banana peppers and sautéed onions, BBQ sauce and spicy mustard.  You can create a platter in the morning before the event.  You can even use pictures from a burger place for inspiration, like this one from Red Robin.  As a bonus, this will also allow for some foods that are both kid and adult friendly.

              

Salads – Now, I am not talking about your typical green salad. Although that is an option, you can also think broader. Think pasta salads, veggie salads and potato salads. There are a plethora on the internet but here are a few of my favorites!

-     Ramen noodle salad

-     PastaSalad 

-     Ranch Potato Salad

-     Mozzarella and Tomato Salad – I do not have a link for this one, but it’s pretty simple. Just throw together some mozzarella and tomato with some fresh basil and balsamic and there you have it. You can add salt and pepper to taste if you feel so inclined.

Chips – I know, I know, too simple right? No! Whenever I have chips out they get gobbled up. People like finger foods, especially kids.  While you are at it, grab some pretzels. People like those too. Want to make them more creative? Try a dip like this one or grab some at the store and put them in bowl. 

              

Fruit salad or kabobs – Again, I know this is simple, but who does not love fresh fruit on a hot summer day? You can make a simple salad or get creative my making them into kabobs for an easy to eat version.  Either one can be prepared ahead of time as long as you cover and refrigerate just remember to stay away from fruits that will brown, such as apples, unless you treat them.

              
Cookie and Brownies – I am not suggesting that you forgo your famous lemon icebox pie or your grandmother’s apple pie recipe that people have learned to expect.  I encourage multiple desserts. I mean who doesn’t love a dessert? However, I learned from watching a few parties at my sister’s house that people love grab and go foods, especially after they have eaten and have moved on to mingling. For this reason, I recommend making some cookies or brownies that can be made ahead of time and can be grabbed easily.              

Think about your set-up.  
Look at your space and try to encourage people to mingle while making things easy to get to and being practical.

               Where do you want the cook-out? What I mean is, do you want people in your home? If so, welcome them in and create a party environment with various seating groups. If you do not, make it clear with seating and signage. Create a cute sign in the front yard that says, “Party in the back” if that is where you want people to go. Make sure to have an arrow pointing them where to go. Also, make sure to have plenty of outdoor seating and tables for people to eat and relax.  Most guests will not want to stand all day and will either leave or retreat your living room if there is not another option.

Set up a Drink Station – It makes things easy when people know where to look for things. If you are having lemonade, tea or soda in a large bottle or pitcher set up a table with cups, ice and beverages. If you will have coolers, label them clearly (especially when having alcohol) and remember to have ice separate. People do not want a drink with ice that has had everyone's hands in it.  Also, by providing ice in a cooler you do not have to worry about keeping your drinks chilled which will give you more time for fun.

               Place the grill AT the party – Do not put the grill so far way that your grill master is secluded. While you do not want a grill that may give off smoke to be in the middle of the main event, it can be right on the periphery in a place that people can mingle with your chef.  

               Don’t seclude your game players. If you will have games like horse shoes, bocce or corn hole, try to place them in a safe place that is somewhat near the food.  People may forgo the games if they have to walk to the front of the yard and leave the party.  Also, by playing games where people can see them you create a spectator sport which can create a lot of fun.  If you have a larger game like volleyball or badminton and can’t fit it near the food, remember to encourage people to play. You can even create a tournament if you have competitive friends and enough interest.

               Consider kids – If you will be inviting small kids, remember to have things for them in a place where their parents can watch them.  If the adults are expected to be in the backyard, set up a sandbox or a water table in plain view from the tables. If you have a playground or swing set, set up some chairs where parents can chat with each other and still keep an eye on their kids.  If you have a driveway, move the cars out of it and buy some chalk for kids to play with. Again, remember to place some adult seating nearby.  If it is hot and you are daring, you could even set up some water balloons or water gun. Hey, the parents might even get into that fun.

A Few Last Tips

               Keep perishable food on ice – Remember to keep your salads and other perishables on ice. They make cute little blow-ups for this, but you can also just nest two bowls with ice.  If you make a large amount of something, put it in two or three smaller containers and refill.  I know this makes it harder as a host, but refilling smaller amounts will keep things fresher.

               Create a summer fun playlist – Sure Pandora has a summer station, but by creating your own playlist, you can cater to the party and the guests.  You can create a mix with pop for the teens and oldies for your parents with all of your favorites mixed in. Remember to keep it light and summery. You can even add summer songs like Under the Boardwalk, Will Smith’s Summertime and Wipeout by the Beach Boys. Sure they are cheesy, but it doesn’t mean they are not good songs.  If they are not for you, use something that is. That is the point of a playlist.

               Create a fun summer drink – If you want to make your party memorable, create a fun summer mixed drink, shandie or punch that people will talk about.

               Don’t be cheap with the cups and plates – There are many ways to save money when hosting a party, but plates and cups are not it. Sure, you can find them on sale, but do not buy anything so cheap that your plates will fold with a good sized portion on them before your guests get to the table.

Remember, above all, HAVE FUN! It is hard to relax and enjoy with a stressed host. If you have fun, guests will, too. 

If your summer party is around July 4^th or Memorial Day, here are some festive foods for your menu!

What Do Vegetables and the Eucharist Have in Common?

You know days where you are so busy that you can’t even remember where you are? Those days where you are longing for a just one day with nothing on your calendar? Well, do not be jealous, but I finally had one of those do-nothing days on days on Sunday. I mean, do not get me wrong, I did actually do things like grocery shop and take care of my kids, but we did not have anything scheduled.  It was bliss.

We also went to church but since we had such a lazy morning we attended a different church than usual for Mass, one that offers an evening service. While I have nothing against the areas churches, I grew up going to mine and really love it.  Knowing that I am not a person who always embraces change, I often do not create high expectations when attending a church that I am less familiar with.  However, this weekend, I was pleasantly surprised with the homily.  So impressed in fact, that I would like to share its sentiment with you.

There were two young girls receiving their first communion at the mass and the pastor called them up to give them a gift. He handed them each a grocery bag filled with broccoli and cauliflower. Although he explained that he even bought the produce at the nearby Wegman’s, the young girls seemed unimpressed. Knowing that would be the case, the pastor told the girls that while they could not see the good that vegetables do inside our bodies, we know they are good for us.  Vegetables provide vitamins and nutrients that help us grow and keep our bodies strong. They also help build our body's defenses.  After building a strong argument, he simply explained that the Eucharist does similar things for our soul but in a much greater way.  I found this to be such a great way to explain this to children and even to remind adults.  There are times that I want cake for dinner, but I know that it will not offer my body what it needs, so I eat a healthy meal.  Although I may follow with cake, I have made sure to give my body what it needs before giving it what it wants. The Eucharist is like that. We need it, and it should come first. Also like vegetables, it starts as something we need but with time, we eventually learn to the love them both and not just need them, but also to want them. 

Then, with this great message already shared, he went in to talk about the importance of attending mass. While he started with very important things about how mass strengthens us with the word of God, it was his last point that really touched me.  He said very firmly that missing mass does not make you a bad person or parent. What a great thing to hear!  Before you get alarmed, he was not suggesting that we miss mass. He did not say that it was not a sin nor that we should not make each and every effort to get there. The point he went on to make was that even if you miss mass, you are still welcome the following week or the week after that.  In fact he made it very clear that he, and God, want you there if even more when you’ve missed.

I love that he said that. I think that too many times, missing mass the first time starts as a slip up but after that it becomes intentional based on guilt, awkwardness and even shame. No one wants to be the one that sits during Communion, but what we need to realize is that God is glad we are there. And, perhaps that one return attendance to mass will turn into another and another.

What a blessed girl I was this Sunday, calm day followed by a great reminder from God through the words of a priest.

How to Make Cake Pops

(Easy steps from a non-professional)

Cake pops are yummy and fairly easily eaten while standing up. For these reasons I really like them for a party or stand up function, especially with kids.

I will be fair in telling you that, while they are not difficult to make, they require several steps and are a bit time consuming. If you need quick and easy, you may want to stick with cookies or brownies. If you have a little extra time though, these are a fun alternative and do not require a crazy amount of skill.

Let me also, tell you that this is NOT the only way to make cake pops. In fact there are probably at least 10 other ways and an additional 100 little tips that different people use.  This is simply, my way. This is the way that I find works the best and tastes yummy. 

So here goes…

Start by making your favorite cake recipe. You can use a box or homemade. It can be light or dense because it will get a binding in the next step. Just remember that the texture will get a bit masked, so it may not be worth perfection in that aspect. Just make something that will taste good. In fact, in the below recipe, I was in such a rush that I used bought pound cake. It worked fine, especially for a baseball team of 8-year-olds!

When it is done baking, let it cool and crumble it up in a bowl. Now you see why I told you it just needs to taste good.

Next, add your favorite icing and mix together. Again, due to my limited time, I used bought frosting, but you could make your own. Start by adding two heaping tablespoons and go from there. I find that I usually use a third to a half of a small container.  You want to add enough that you can bind the cake and form balls, but not so much that it is too heavy or wet. The balls will get to hard to dip.

 

Now you are ready to form the balls. I find the easiest way is to use your hands. Just like when I make meatballs, I can’t find a better way that make them nice and round. Oh, and at the advice of my son, “Wash your hands first, no one wants to eat your germs.”  Funny that he says that considering how often I have to remind him to use soap. Boys!

 

Once they are formed, put them on a plate that they won’t stick to and chill them for a few minutes in the fridge.  They should be ready in about 15-30 minutes.  They do not need to be cold, but they need to set so that they will dip easily.  I find glass works, but you could use parchment paper. Make sure they do not touch.  If you are going to leave them for a while, put them in a container with a lid so that they do not dry out.  Sometimes I make these first few step and finish the next day.


This next step is one of the most easily left out but one of the most IMPORTANT.

Melt a small amount of dipping chocolate. You can use chips or the discs.  You are not dipping the pops yet, so you do not need a huge amount.

 

 

Here is the important part…
Dip your pop sticks into the chocolate and then dip them into the cake balls. This will secure the stick. If you do not do this, the cake may fall off when you start to dip it.

 

Again, stick them back in the fridge to set. I dip ½ of them at a time so that one group can set while I work on the others.

Now you are ready to melt your chocolate for dipping.  You want to get your chocolate smooth. It should not be too runny but not too thick. If it is a little thick, I add a little bit of oil. Maybe ½ to a full capfull depending on how much chocolate. When you pull up on the chocolate, it should easily run off your stick, but not like water.

 

Now you can dip your pops. I did not use a deep enough bowl, so I had to help get the chocolate around the pops.  Also, I let my son help, so they were not smooth, but that’s ok. It was for his birthday and he wanted to help. 

 

Again, I put them back in the fridge to set before decorating.

If you want them to sit upright to display, I find the easiest way is to use the green floral foam blocks. You can cover them with tissue paper or whatever works for your display and they can be used more than once.

I had this great idea to create a baseball field, but again, my son wanted to help and I love that he wanted to be part of it. We kept it a bit simple and he loved them.

 

 

Enjoy!

Some of My Favorite Mom Humor

 

In honor of Mother's Day, here are some funny mom memes. I hope you enjoy.

 

 

I am a Hypocrite

 

Yesterday, I realized that I am a hypocrite.  Let me explain.

 

 

If your child is anything like mine, they often know the right thing to do, they just do not do it. I couldn't tell you why, but I can tell you that I find it utterly frustrating. 

 

 

When my son gets his homework done quickly, he has much more time to play.  He acknowledges this, but still lolygags the next day. WHY?

 

 

When he puts his stuff where it belongs, he does not spend time cleaning later. So, does he do this without reminder? NO!

 

He and I have gone round and round about this, and then, last week, it happened. I turned into my son.

 

My sister and I were on the phone, both talking about projects that we needed to do in our homes. We were getting ready for a party and company and we were annoyed with ourselves that we had not spaced out the projects. I said to her that I know better, I just don't do it. We commiserated together and moved on.

 

For some reason, I thought about that conversation yesterday and realized that not only do I need to cut my little guy some slack, but I need to be a better role model. If I do not do the things that I know I should do, why do I get so mad at him? If I procrastinate, why wouldn't I think that he would?  It was like a slap in the face.  

 

Don't get me wrong, I know that I will still procrastinate and do other things that I get mad at my kids for doing. And to make it worse, I will still push my kids to do better. I will do this because I want better for my kids than for myself.  With that being said, I do hope that my new revelation will help me to be more aware and, in turn, make better choices.  I'll let you know how this is going in a few weeks.

Where Did All of the HATE Come From?

The older I get, the more I seem to notice people have very extreme views, often on fairly simple things. I am not sure if it is because more is available to read on social media or if times are changing but you can find a “hate” website, or at least a list, on almost anything? It’s shocking to me that people not only have these strong feelings about certain things but that they have the time to keep up a site.

Seriously, go to Google and put in I hate A, B, C or any other letter of the alphabet and you will get a list of things. There is more than one site dedicated to hating Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman. She is certainly not an A list celebrity and she simply seems to live on a farm and write about it. Granted this has turned into recipe books and even a Food network show, but she is not doing anything that controversial, or so it seems. How does she warrant such hate? You can find articles, posts and even some sites that hate dogs, cats, snow, summer, sports teams, showering, and the list goes on.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are things that irritate me, but not enough to create a whole website about it that requires my regular attention. I don’t like the Kardashians, but I simply turn the channel when they are on. I am not a cat lover, so I do not have one. I hate homework, but I still do it with my kid and just vent to my sister when I need to. I am not saying that I am better than the people that manage these website or create these posts, I am just saying that I do not understand it. How do you have such contempt for something or someone that does not directly affect your life or the world that much? I understand hating child abuse or world hunger, but a whole website about hating cilantro? That I do not understand.

I appreciate the funny lists (some of which are satirical responses to 10 reasons I love…lists) or those that serve a purpose to create real change, I just don’t understand the others. Maybe some of you can fill me on why so much hate? Thanks!

I Had a Cesarean Section and That’s Ok - My thoughts on my and C-sections in general

I was just informed that it is C-Section Awareness month. I never knew there was such a thing, but I am taking advantage of it as a reason to post about some things that have been on my mind.

I keep hearing this debate about how safe C-sections are, or are not, and how women are electing to have them for convenience and personal reasons. I just want to make a few things clear, from my perspective. Please keep in mind that this is not a medical research article, it is just my opinion, but I hope it makes you think or that you even find comfort in it.  

Many C-Sections are not planned.  Please do not lump them all together. So I hear there are women out there who plan a C Section from the moment of conception.  They ask early, thinking it will be the better option, even without medical need. This, however, is not typically the case. To be honest, even if it was, and only 10% of women had a section for medical reason, it is still worth not lumping all of the reasons together.  There are many women out here who had a C-section because it was in the best interest of both mother and baby. Many of these women, did not have this in their birthing goals. In the cases where they had time, parents may have poured over research to make their decisions. In the cases where they did not have much time, decisions were often made with thought and prayer. Please do not group all sections together.  

Some moms that have had C-Sections already have a complex, don’t make them feel worse. As I stated above, many moms did not want a C-section and some feel a bit robbed. I know that I did.  I watched my nieces and nephews’ births and I wanted that. I wanted that amazing, natural miracle just like I had cried over with tears of joy several times.  My first C-section, with my son, was followed by a great recovery. I was blessed. However, I felt, at the time, as if my birthing trophy was smaller than that of women who had vaginal births. I saw the strength that it took to push that baby out and I had a doctor do that work for me. Although I labored for hours before the C-section, I felt disappointed as if my ride had been cut short. When you talk to a friend who is facing, or has had, a C, please remember to be supportive. It may have been harder for them than you realize.  

When your baby’s life is in danger and an expert tells you this is the best option, you listen. As with most moms I did all sorts of reading with my first pregnancy.   I knew statistics, facts, and had heard and read many opinions on pregnancy and birthing.  During those months I also created a great bond with my physicians. These were doctors that I had been to for years, but now I was visiting them often and having many a discussion about pregnancy and birthing. I trusted them. Then, my health started to go downhill pushing me towards being induced.  Again, I read all about the preeclampsia that I was facing and talked to my doctor to make the best decision for my family.  As my labor progressed and C-section became the best option, I looked at this doctor that I had trusted for months.  I looked at this expert, this trained professional who knew more about birth than I even could and she thought this was my best option, so I agreed.  To be honest, I agreed gratefully.  This tiny woman had full confidence that she had a way to safely bring my baby into this world. I cried and prayed, but never felt the need to disagree.  

What’s good for one is not what’s good for all.  Our babies are each unique and so are our birthing experiences. If you ask 100 moms the best way to carry out various parenting tasks you will get 100 different answers for many of them. Some answers may seem similar, but they will all have their own spin. This is also the case with pregnancy.  I might think that it is ok to have a glass of wine on two different occasions while I am pregnant, while other women have a glass of wine each month and some don’t even have one sip.  I may think that ginger candies are the best cure for morning sickness while others have their own tricks. Birthing is the same.  You may think that having a C-section is an awful option.  However, there are moms who think that water or at home births are an awful option. The point is, we are different.  As long as we are all doing the best thing for our families, can’t that be enough?  

Having a C-Section is hard, too. A Cesarean section does not carry the same birthing pains that a vaginal labor and birth do, but that does not mean it is easy. I would try to describe, but this post from Cord Momma does a great job, so I will direct you there. My favorite line is, "And while most of us would like to curl up with a bowl of ice cream and a stack of movies after a major surgery, c-section mamas do just the opposite. They nurture and love and bond with their needy, beautiful babies."

We’re all moms. We all carried babies, delivered them, held a newborn for the first time, had trouble adjusting and became moms. Let’s find some connection in that instead of separation in our birthing experiences.  

I should add that at the end of the day, I am Ok with having had 2 C-sections. After some time, I realize that I was not robbed. I was blessed with two beautiful babies who simply wanted to come into the world in a less traditional way. And as for my "trophy", with some time and reflection, it has grown. :-)

 

It's Not Perfect but It's the Picture of My Life

I hate being in pictures which is probably why I am always the photographer. However, I do worry that my kids will never have pictures that I am in, so I try to get in a few from time to time.

Well, a few weeks ago, I saw a few pictures where the mom is kissing the baby. They are cute pictures and as a bonus, it seems to make the mom's face look thin.

So I decide to try to take a picture like this...

After a few tries, my pictures turned out like this...

A tried a few more times with no avail, but then I realized...this is my life. This a "true" selfie.  I am kissing my daughter because I love her but looking in another direction because something else was probably ongoing. My daughter is crying because she is a diva who cries when she does not get what she wants. (Pray for me with this one!)  My son is photobombing because he is crazy and has to make sure that he gets attantion also.  For right now, my life is not a pretty picture, it is a crazy one, but I will take it!

Moms, School Starting Can Be Tough, but You are Doing Better than You Think

Moms, I just wanted to remind you that school starting is a hard transition, and you are better than you think. 

This is a time of year for mothers of school aged children full of mixed emotions and issues. In some ways we are so excited to have summer over and in some ways it needed to last just a little longer. Here are some of the contrasts going on in my house.

I love the earlier bed times as school starts, but the early wake-up call can be a bear.

I love the more regular schedule, but I hate the loss of freedom that summer offers.

I love that I hear, “I am bored, what can I do?” less often but I hate how busy we are some days.

I love that sports start because my son loves them and I know they are good for him, but some days the rigor of the practice and game schedule is frustrating.

I love the socialization that school offers along with the additional playdates and birthday parties, but I do not always love the mess after a playdate or how expensive the birthday gift totals become.

I know how important learning is and love to see something “click” for my child, but I often want to kill the person who invented homework.

Then there are some things that I just hate about school starting such as the need to do laundry more often to make sure there are some “school clothes” and sport uniforms clean.

Moms of the world, this is a tough transition, but you are getting through it.  You may be dropping off at early care or school in your PJ pants, but your child is there and dressed with their back-pack on.  World-war three may have happened at your house last night, but the homework was completed. You may have battled over going to bed or waking up, but somewhere in the middle, everyone slept, at least a little. You may be dragging through the day, but you are making it. You are treading water. You are doing better than you believe…I promise. So, pat yourself on the back, grab your favorite beverage; pumpkin coffee, wine, whatever and rest for minute. You deserve it!  And you know what? This transition is hard for the whole family, so tonight after the homework is done, sit together and play a board game, have a bowl of ice cream or watch a show together.  Show them, that it is okay to take a minute a relax sometimes, even during this busy school year.