I love to read mommy blogs and articles about parenting.
I especially love to read those that I can relate to and include the real
struggles of being a mom. Many of these
encourage us to forgive ourselves for not being perfect and I love this
sentiment, but recently I have wondered, are we taking it too far?
As parents, we are not perfect. We get behind on laundry,
leave dirty dishes, feed our kids junk food, yell, lose our patience, forget
about school projects, lose uniform parts, lock ourselves in the bathroom, let
our kids stay up too late, allow too much screen time...the list goes on and
on. If you cannot relate to that list in any way, you probably have very small
children or amazing super powers. If the latter is the case, please contact me
as to how I also can acquire such powers. I am not against spider bites or even
a little malformation for such powers!
Anyway, my point is that we are not perfect, and that is
okay. No one is perfect. I also realize that as a band of mothers, we are in
this together and by exposing our imperfections we can help lift up other
mothers when they need it, however, as I said above, how much is too much?
When I look at my childhood, my parents' house and those
of my friends were pretty neat. I did not open closet doors or anything, but I
did see my friend's bedrooms and occasionally their sibling's or parent's rooms
as well as all the main rooms in the house and they were orderly for the most
part. My friends typically had a dinner time with a full dinner on the table.
Some may have been more complicated or healthier than others, but the dinner
was there. My friends and I all had
parents with expectations of completed homework, manners and respectful
language and there were consequences when these things did not happen. Yes, my mom stayed home for a while, but
eventually went back to work and many of my friend's moms worked. And, yes, we
were busy. We has sports, dance and gymnastics.
These days, I constantly wish that my house was neater,
but allow myself to sit on the couch after a long day after telling myself how hard I work. I love having family
dinner and do my best to make it happen, but make excuses when it doesn't. I admire the parents that calmly explain
rules and disappointment to their kids, but often find myself at the end of my
rope snapping at my kids. I could go on, but you get the point. I am not the mom you would find in a magazine
or on a 50s sitcom. In some ways I would
not want to be, but in some ways I admire that and work towards it. I wish that I could say that I am alone, but
based on many a conversation with other moms, I am far from it.
So what do I do? I turn to the internet. I feel better because a friend on Facebook, a
blogger that I follow or a stranger on Scary Mommy has posted about their
imperfections. I am not only reminded
that I am doing alright, but I even feel justified in my mess. It's okay that I
am failing, right? These other moms are, too!
However, when I really look in the mirror, is it okay?
Should I not be trying a little bit harder towards the things that might better
me as a mom rather than making excuses? Has the world of imperfection gone too
far?
I'll be honest, I am not sure how I feel about this. I
love finding security in my imperfections through my band of mothers. I love
the humor in the articles and the strength in their honesty. However, I wonder if this security is
allowing me to accept my imperfections to a point where I do not worry about
correcting them. Maybe I need to embrace
them in a different way? While pondering this, I came across this.
I think I will give it more thought.
While I do more thinking, I would be quite interested to see how you all feel about this. Please let me know in the comments.
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