So I have these three best friends and they are awesome! We have
known each other our whole lives. They are older than I am so we haven’t always
had things in common and we have not always gotten along, but we have always loved
each other…even when we didn’t like each other.
You see, these three people are my sisters and I do not know what I
would do without them.
Now, as a mom, I am getting to watch my children bond and
hopefully form a relationship much like the one that I have with my
sisters. Seeming as my kids are not the
same gender and have a 6 year gap in age, there will be some differences, but I
can already see that have a bond. Ella, (9
months old) lights up when Jacob (7 years-old) walks into the room. She already thinks he is the funniest thing
on the planet and wants to be near him.
Jacob is a combination of jester and protector. He loves that he can make her laugh and watches
over her. Don’t get me wrong, he does
get annoyed when her needs affect his wants, but at the end of the day, he loves
her and she loves him.
Thinking about this made me think about how siblings become
friends. I think sometimes things in life push siblings together or pull them
apart, but I also think that parents and family have a lot to do with the
relationships siblings have. I am
thankful that my parents encouraged my sisters and I to become friends and I
hope to emulate them. Here are some
things that I think my parents did to help my sisters grow and stay so close.
1. They expected us to be close
My parents are big believers in the idea that kids will live up or down
to your expectations. My parents
expected us to get along. They knew that we would fight and spend time apart
but they expected us to love and respect each other at the end of the day. How did we know these expectations existed?
Well, they would say things like, “She’s your sister and you love each other.
We don’t behave that way in this house.”
This was not a question or a suggestion. They were informing us that was
just the way it was at our house.
2.
We couldn’t
say, “I hate you.”
Well, I guess we could say anything we wanted to on some level, but there
were consequences that would have been, well, let’s just say less than
desirable. My parents made it clear that
even when we did not get along, we could NOT say, “I hate you.” There were times when I thought I hated my
sisters, or even my parents, and I did not like keeping those thoughts in, but
I get it now. I think if you hear
someone tell you they hate you over and over and over, you will begin to believe
it. I rarely, if ever, heard my sisters
say they hated me. I did however, hear them say they loved me, and you know
what? I believe it!
3. Family dinners
Growing up, our family ate dinner together every night that we
could. Only if we had work, had a
pre-approved activity or had permission to eat at a friend’s house were we
allowed to miss family dinner. Whether
or not we wanted to, we sat together, shared a meal, and talked about our day. We learned to share highlights and disappointments
and to focus on each other. No one was
allowed to take phone calls and there were no cell phones to text on, so we
just built a relationship day in and day out full of love and support. Some of
our favorite memories are of that dinner table; telling stories, laughing and
even getting in trouble.
4. We didn’t take vacations, we went to visit family
The Sheriff family (that’s my maiden name) did not take typical vacations
to the beach or a cabin throughout the year. We spent holidays with my mom’s
family and summers with my dad’s family.
Don’t get me wrong, we had fun doing great activities and got to go to
Florida every summer, but that was not why we went. We went to see our grandparents, aunts, uncles
and cousins. It was important to my
parents to see their siblings and their families and help us to create
relationships with them. These vacations
also gave us a time to focus on each other.
We rode in a car for hours and then spent 1-3 weeks together. We complained, we fought, we laughed, and we
cried together when it was time to leave.
For that time, we weren’t distracted by homework or friends or boyfriends,
we just hung out…together.
5. They taught us to apologize and to forgive
Like most kids, there were times when my sisters and I did not want to
say we were sorry and probably just as many times where the words, “that’s
okay,” didn’t come so easily either but we still had to say it. Often when we were little, we may have just
said it because we had to, but eventually we learned how important it was to
say you are sorry and how nice it was to hear. Just as
important we learned to accept the apology and forgive. What started out as
habit turned into something genuine. I
remember it really hitting home one day when I was reminded that in the Lord’s
Prayer, a prayer I said every night, I repeatedly said the words, “forgive us
our sins as we have forgiven them.” What a powerful statement that we want God
to forgive as we do. I mean, if we do
not forgive then what? Hmmm? I could go on and on about how that revelation
affected me, but I need to get back on topic.
This act of apologizing and forgiving created a safe environment for my
sisters and I. We knew we would mess up and hurt each other’s feelings, but we
also knew it would be okay. We knew
that as long as were genuinely sorry, we would be forgiven. That safety helped to create a place of unconditional
love that does not come by so often.
6. They taught us about God and Jesus
I already alluded to how this knowledge and love of God helped with the forgiveness
lesson, but the relationship my parents helped to create with our Lord has an effect
on every part of every relationship we have.
Through learning about God and loving him, we learn how to love Him and
each other. Weekly we went to mass
together as a family and attended CCD.
We talked about our religion together and found it a topic that came up
more and more as we got older. But mostly, our understanding of God’s love for
us has helped us to love each other.
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| My Family in 1979. I am the little one in yellow. |
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