Communication Series Part 1 - Listening

Yesterday I started a Communication series and I am excited to get into it.  Because it is my blog and I can start wherever I want, I am going to start with my favorite topic...Listening!

 

Listening, in my opinion, is possibly the most important part of communicating. If you are not actively listening, you cannot learn anything from the conversation and there is no point in the other party even opening their mouths.  A successful conversation depends on both parties be willing to listen and take in what the other person is saying.

 

With that in mind, here are some ways to help make your conversations more successful.

 

 

Wait to form your reply until the other person is done talking.

It is a fairly typical human behaviour to allow your brain to start thinking about what the other person is saying as they talk and to even take it to the next step and start to create a response in your head while they are still talking.  While this is natural, it is not helpful. If you are thinking and mentally replying, you are not giving the other person your full attention.  While it is true that most people can listen at a faster rate than the human's talk, using that extra brain power to do anything other than listen will take away from the conversation. Further, when we create a response, we want to verbally share that which  results in talking over the other person or even cutting them off.  Women tend to tolerate this behavior better than men when with other females as they consider it talking with each other, but eventually it will irritate women, also. Believe it or not, it is better to allow a few seconds to lapse before speaking than it is to cut someone off. So, take your time. Listen with your full attention, then respond.

  

Don't assume you know what they are going to say

For so many reasons, we assume we know what another person is going to say.  We make assumptions based on our own past experiences with a person, the way they look, their profession, the setting, their age and various other predetermined reasons. Unfortunately, when we do this, we may miss out on important information, feelings or knowledge. When we listen with an open mind and fully take in what the other person is saying, we open up a whole new world of possibilities in our conversations. Try it. You might be surprised 

 

Clarify

A large part of listening is understating. Unfortunately, sometimes we think we understand, but we are not on the same page as the speaker. The best way to ensure that this does not happen is to clarify. If someone tells you something, repeat it back. Even if it is just your spouse asking to you to grab milk at the store, as you walk out, say, "so you just want me to grab a gallon of skin milk?"  That 10 second question may save an additional trip to the store or an argument when you return. And no, I am not saying that you need to repeat everything someone says, but when there is potential for lack of understanding or when it is really important, repeating back will solve alot of future heartache. It may also help the speaker to become a more clear communicator.

 

Take Action

When you listen, act like it.  Sitting up and making eye contact can help you to focus. If you are on the phone, look away from other distractions to make virtual eye contact. By preparing your body to listen, it helps your mind to focus.

 

Put down your phone

And any other distractions that might take away from the conversation.

I have always loved this quote
and think it can apply to so much more
than just children.  Your spouse or your
boss may also stop sharing if you
do not focus on what they have
to share.  

When someone walks into your office or sits down with you at the table to talk, put down your phone, stop typing that email and focus on the conversation.  You may think that you can play candy crush and listen, but you cannot do it effectively.  You can certainly hear the noises they are making, but you will not be able to totally take in what they are saying.  When you listen to someone show them that what they are saying is important by acting like it.  If you cannot stop what you are doing, be clear about it. Let them know that you want to hear what they have to say and that you need a minute to finish your task. Invite them to sit for a minute or let them know that you will happy to listen in just a few  minutes. Make sure they know that you are not putting them off but more, you are trying to provide them with the focus that they deserve.








I challenge you to try these things for one whole week and see if your communications improve.  You may suprised how you can improve a conversatation by just becoming a better listener.